Forever…

I would probably have bought a gift today…no! scratch that, I would have given you yesternight. We both know I was never good at keeping surprises!

Ade! Ade! Ade! screeching at the top of your voice, it used to irritate me: must you scream! Kai!

Ishola-Ade, ma binu now…

Ishola, Isho omo agun ma te( such nonsense just to make your spoiled little brat forgive you) chai! I could just not fathom why.

Ajoke, you are sleeping in my room tonight…Ishola, you too. and then you would force us all to keep our space on your big bed even though each of us could go crash in our own rooms! such a woman! cutely annoying. I took it all for granted…

I have always wanted my privacy and I give anything to get my own space but this woman, she wouldn’t budge. we were from separate worlds: she wanted people around almost all of the freaking time!

Today, I wished you would take my space away altogether. I keep running looking for a home but you yanked that away. You just had to!

I am sure your Ishola is also somewhere in the world wishing he could annoy you as usual but we all took the time we had together for granted assuming we would always be around together…we had such little time together, Chai! so little.

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I could jumble pieces together and write poems and all that but nothing will really capture my true feelings today. Nothing will bring back my roof or my home or my friend or my love or my confidant or my mom.

I used to think I could handle May even if you left: I assumed he would remain my baby you know. But I have failed woefully. I keep  calling on the heavens to help me out…calling on all and sundry to assist. Yet, I cannot handle this situation you left me. I cannot save him from drowning; I look on from the river bank and watch helplessly as he drowns in a storm of his own making, of my making, of daddy’s making, of your making.

I would have said an happy birthday but my voice is gone, raging in the storm of wails buried deep down. I just want your arms around me and the peace you bring. I cannot remember the taste of your food anymore but I still perceive the smell of your house gowns and wrappers…almost elusive now, quite faint but still there. I wished it can hold me and comfort me but that your wrapper, yes the ankara one is torn now.

Where will I find my home…I am still looking ma but I say Happy birthday. This is the 6th one and I will still be counting forever Awa, forever.

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