(Aside: I travel back in time to the days when I was the woman of my own kitchen as I make a pot of Ogbono…it’s been such a long time and I feel whole revisiting our memories…)
Society has placed such value on marriage, a value so weighty that it has become rather burdensome. I believe that marriage is a blessed thing and it is one of those phenomenon that gives man a beautiful respite from the sad days. Yet, I have seen souls and minds crushed under societal opinion of when marriage should have taken place. Please before you judge me, sit back and let’s take thought together. Take a look at society and show me that I am the only loner whose thoughts is so varied from others that I should be condemned…lets reason would you please?
From experience, the little I have had so far, I believe many lives are being addled with the wearisome resignation of making choices based on what society has set. To tell it true, there is an expected age gap that for ladies you are expected to have had a man ask for your hand in marriage and it has become a fashionable thing( something quite akin to respect and privilege) to tote a ring. Do not get me wrong, I would love to settle down some day, I would love to create a family with someone I desire and respect so strongly, I will beam with pride to watch my kids call him “daddy” but I would rather not have a fashionable marriage; just to bear a fashionable weight for the rest of my life.
I have looked at men and women be under so much pressure from expectations placed on them: expectations that have not taken into account the ever constant presence of change in all the facets of life. It is true that age plays its role in decision making, yet, we have taken age to be the quickening of the numbers of our years…
I really do not know how to approach this matter yet I will try. I have seen marriages with two adults(now I do not mean just age) work out against all odds…and I have seen marriages with people of great “maturity in numbers” fail disastrously. I have seen a woman pushed to settle for the wrong man just so she can remove the shame of being single at 30 and I have since a man pick a woman “quite acceptable” just to put a stop to the parents pressure to settle down. I have seen a lady of 24 settle down in marriage and have that marriage be one where you pray to have one just like it. Life itself is a game of chance anyway.
What am I really saying? I am of the opinion that maturity is not of an increase in numbers but of an increase in wisdom. There I have said it! There are many young souls trapped in the bodies of adults: such delicateness that God is taking HIS time to work on them to fashion them into a thing of beauty. Yet, for the sake of societal and economic pressures, these individuals leave the place of training and knowledge to settle into a life of pain and hardship just to escape “Societal denigrations”. We have made the human race one saddled infinitely with unnecessary pressures and pain. Life has become unbearably ladened with the silly “COMPETITIONS” and “EXPECTATIONS” we have of ourselves as if, the humankind was made with the same linear expectations from a boring and burdensome creator, who has not the resources to bring out of his creation a varied existence. Did He make us all the same so we might birth the same lessons and monotonic existence time without end? No! I choose and beg to differ.
I have seen myself make mistakes time and time again, struggling with one imperfection or the other. I have times when I have watched this GOD patiently reteach all over the same lessons just so I might perfectly understand what He wants and expects of me…
YES! I am also under pressure(mine started when I was in year two at the University and I had just lost my mother! hilarious right?) I have prayed and asked GOD when will you send My MR right? why do you detest me so? when will I settle…is it when am like forty something? I have said the prayers and answered the altar calls for marriage…YET! personally, I have had to sit back and reason this whole thing out.
If I were to get married right now, what value exactly am I adding to the poor man who is fortunate enough to be picked for me. It is true I am old, old enough to settle down but am I wise enough to handle the lives God will be entrusting into my hands? Am I competent enough to lead a home for God on the sidelines? Am i indeed trustworthy enough to handle the destiny of those mischievous “pikins” GOd decides to send me…Gaskia! I am still such a foolish child in so many areas that I am ashamed God puts up with me! Besides, what economic value, spiritual quality or wealth of knowledge and experience am I bringing to that man? such are the questions I asked myself in the “koro”(secret) of my heart.
As much as I would love to have started the next phase of my life with a partner God has chosen for me, I know indeed that the true expectation I should be aiming to reach is GOD’s…nothing more, nothing less. For I know, for my own sake that it is not until HE trusts me to be wise enough to handle the lives He will be placing in my hands will I indeed get the partner He has selected for me.
Now there is a peace in me when people say “where is he now”, “when are we coming to eat rice”, “we want to wear aso ebi o” I calmly reply them in my heart with words such as-(you had better go and buy rice and eat in the calm of your home if you have got one, and please go mind your own business!) Because at the end of the day, these same people will join in the gist about how your marriage is such a failure if you are lucky enough to fail!!!(mind my grammar please!)
So inherently what am I saying,I am just saying stay true to yourself in the face of pressures, stay true to GOd and at the end of it all- He will give you His peace not as the world giveth but a full and assured peace of the savior himself…whatever your age, live true to yourself and become a better person for you and yourself before you seek to join yourself to another…only when two complete and mature minds come together and agree can there be a true marriage…
Sweethearts, constantly renew your minds and lives in GOD not as an expectation of man but as a wholesome, full human being-a complete individual person. For it is only when 1 whole egg joins another 1 that it = One as Christ meant it in the Bible.
Pause for a minute and imagine, if one egg whole is broken and mixed with an unwholesome one will it give us a half whole and half rotten? will it still be Redeemable?
…As always you can always liberate yourself from that prison within, ALWAYS SWEETHEARTS.
(I wish I could elaborate on this issue but my flitting tots just won’t permit me…the koko is sha that you picture what am trying to say I hope…)